Welcome to...
The Castration FAQ!

Friends, are you a lowlife? Are you prone to fits of violence? Do you have a negative impact on society? Most importantly...Do you have testicles? If you answered yes to most of these questions (especiallly the bit about having testicles!), castration may be right for you.

Castration FAQ

What is castration
Basically it is the removal of your testicles.

Is castration right for me?
That's a difficult question to answer without me actually dealing with you on a day to day basis. Generally, men who are prone to commit violent crimes, pedophiles and telemarketers are the best candidates for obvious reasons. People with serious genetic defects do not (normally) need castration, steralization is usually adequate.

How does castration help?
It would make you think twice before calling my number to ask if I wanted vinyl siding, that's for damn sure!!! It also eliminates testoserone (male hormones), thereby reducing the sex drive and cutting down your levels of hostility.

How is it done?
There are two common methods of castration
(1) Surgical removal
(2) wrapping rubber bands around your scrotum, cutting off the supply of blood to the testicles. In rare cases involving the "predator" type of pedophile it is done by angry mobs with a blender.

Is it painful?
In the surgical proceedure, not really. The rubber band thing...only hurts until they turn black.

TURN BLACK???
Yes, but there's no need to worry about it, the black part will fall off after a couple of days.

FALL OFF?!?!?!
DUH!

Can I do it myself?
No, castration should NOT be attempted by the amateur. It should only be performed by a qualified doctor, farm hand, domanatrix or angry mob.